7152QCA: Week 2, Indecision

Class notes/ ADHD doodles feat. Prim and some kitties!

As a visual artist, I definitely enjoy the content of this class the most. As a result (for better or for worse) I have been procrastinating from my other coursework by smashing out content for the folio assignment in this class. I think it’s pretty funny, but my girlfriend is worried that I’m doing it far too much (which she isn’t necessarily wrong about).

I struggle with perfectionism and, as a person with ADHD, reading. The perfectionism is causing me a lot of guilt over not putting more work into the other courses. I’m managing to keep up, but I’m terrified of falling behind even though sitting through lectures and tutorials can sometimes make my chest feel tight and the brain feel melted.

However, the learning style of relying predominantly on watching tutorial videos and doing the work yourself is one I am very good at, and I’m finding a lot of solace in that. I am a hard worker, if the work is within my capabilities.

That is why, when Rae brought up how she was using my blog as one of the two exemplar posts, it brought me a lot of joy in validation. Writing, much like reading, is something I can struggle with. It’s good to know I’m not sucking at it! (haha)

In class this week, we:

  • Struggled with the griffith tech (again)

Smash out the folio to start working on your zine, or;

Rae can rewrite some aspects of the assignment to make it more challenging

This sadly cannot be used as a part of the assignment, since its all copyrighted content :’(
  • Talked about what is required for the “raster image with a modified background” aspect of the assignment (Rae used a dog edited into a bathtub as an example)

By the end of the class, I was feeling a little over-stimulated but excited for the idea of thinking about zine concepts. I had briefly talked to Rae about the concept of discussing ADHD and how it actually feels to have it, but felt a bit lost about how to progress with the concept. She said to find the purpose for the zine, since ADHD is such a broad topic, and thus I would be able to wrangle a feasible concept.

I was fairly confident in this idea, but am now more unsure and am leaning more towards a concept my girlfriend and I have been talking about.

Iris and I joke that I am a he/him lesbian, since our relationship resembles a relationship between 2 women vs a heterosexual couple. This is largely due to being socialised as a female.

Iris and I’s favourite movie, which happens to be sapphic

I’m transmasculine, and like he/him pronouns. However, recently I’ve been looking more deeply into my gender and have realised I am Non-binary. I had a very toxic masculine phase, which turned my transness into a victimhood, but have since abandoned this concept for one of self-appreciation. It’s hard though, not fitting into a box, and I feel uncomfortable with the notion of my love for my partner being that of a heteromantic nature.

Hence, I feel there is a gap in queer culture of transmasc people identifying with sapphic culture. Now, I say sapphic since it feels more appropriate than calling my love lesbonic, since that just does not sit well with me. I don’t want to appropriate a culture that is not mine, and maybe I am doing that with ID’ing with sapphism, but it feels significantly less intrusive.

Sapphism isn’t just about loving women either, it’s the intensity of the relationship and how quickly they evolve. It’s about aesthetics, it’s wearing button ups and leaving the shirt mostly open. It’s mostly being friends with lesbian, bisexual, or ace women and/or trans people COMPLETELY through coincidence alone. I’m rambling, and I have to approach this carefully, but I feel quite passionate about this concept and wish to add my experience to the pile of queer knowledge in this world.

In terms of physical work I’ve completed, here is the process for doing my one of two self portraits, this one being called “undead and dying)

I chose an ugly image from my camera roll :)

I messed around with some posterization effects in photoshop, and had very dodgy results. So, I instead traced some outlines to guide my use of the pen tool! Then, I added the original reference image in the same position, and got to work while working on a purely grey colour palette.

Here is the palette I then added and worked with, and what the final piece looked like before revision:

(Note: I could not recommend starting with the greys first more, since you just have to focus on tone and shapes without worrying about how colours interact. It made like so much easier for me)

Here are the pages and videos I used to guide me:

Create with drawing tools|Adobe

Working with Basic Shapes|Adobe

Essentials for drawing and illustration|Adobe

Turn hand drawings into digital illustrations|Adobe

After receiving some feedback from Rae, I made the lines in the hair more cohesive by adjusting the width of their ends using the Width Tool. Thus, here’s the final piece:

I also did some experimentation with the pencil sketch to jpg in photoshop aspect, which resulted in this image:

He’s not very present (he’s also a relatable mood)

I’m going to wrap up this entry now, since it’s gotten quite long (whoops) but I’m excited to procrastinate from other course work by finishing the folio assignment well before its due date.

Have a lovely day!

-Ollie

he/they | 23 | Brisbane, Australia | Studying my Master of Design @ QCA